shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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