There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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