it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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