He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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