i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
