I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize