I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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