Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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