I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
