I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
