grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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