dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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