Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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