..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I love you. Go after that dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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