don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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