You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
