Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
