I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
