Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I look better un-naked...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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