Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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