just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
