Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
