the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dicks are not precious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
