when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
