great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
