How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
