I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
