Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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