I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
