he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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