The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
