i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
