We won't sleep together?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
