Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
