I seem to have left my pride at pride
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
