idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
