yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found your dick twin last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
