How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
