Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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