I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
