good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
