Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
