4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
