This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
