In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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