Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
