I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
