he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
