Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
