I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dear god my vagina.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
