Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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