he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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