Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
