Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
