Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
