I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize