y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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