dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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