HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
