may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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