I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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