so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
