His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
