The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
