My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A+ Viking dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
