I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
