I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
