well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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