sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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