chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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