fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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