The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
