I love black thongs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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