Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
