Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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