Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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