also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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