to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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